Don’t be cheap! Intention Doesn’t Cut It

Ever had someone tell you, "I was thinking of you and meant to call..."?
How about a boss who says, "I was thinking of getting you a special gift for your hard work..."?
Or maybe your partner hands you an IOU for a massage they planned to book for your birthday?

We've all been there, right? But here's the hard truth: Thinking about it doesn't cut it. In fact, I’m calling BullS#@t on the idea that it’s the thought that counts. Because, in reality, it’s the action that makes the difference.

The Illusion of Good Intentions

"I thought about calling my friend today—good for me!" "I meant to send that email—nice job, self!"  Research from University College London, led by neuroscientist Tali Sharot, found that dopamine plays a key role in how we make decisions, especially those related to future rewards. When we think about making a positive decision, our brain releases dopamine, giving us a feeling of pleasure and satisfaction even before we take action. This anticipatory dopamine release can create a false sense of accomplishment, where the brain rewards us for the mere act of thinking about doing something, leading to a psychological "pat on the back" even without any follow-through.

Think of it like this: If you think about going to the gym, do you get the same benefits as actually going? Of course not. Yet, we often trick ourselves into believing that intention is just as good as action. Spoiler alert—it’s not.

The Cost of Inaction

Let’s talk about what happens when you don’t follow through. Imagine you're a leader who speaks highly of your team to others. That’s great, but if your team never hears those words from you and instead only gets criticism, what’s the real impact? You might as well be handing them IOUs instead of actual praise.

Or picture this: You suggest taking a course with your partner to strengthen your relationship. But then, you leave all the planning to them. What message does that send? It’s like you’re saying, "I’m invested in this relationship…kinda, but your time is less valuable than mine and you can organise it all and I will just enjoy the ride." Actions speak louder than words, and in this case, inaction speaks volumes.

Alignment & Congruence: Walk the Talk

So, how do you avoid falling into the trap of empty intentions? It all comes down to alignment and congruence. It’s about making sure that your actions line up with your thoughts. Here’s how to do it:

1. Translate Thoughts into Immediate Actions
   Don’t wait. If you think of something nice to do for someone, do it right away. Send that text. Book that appointment. Put your money where your mouth is.

2. Set Deadlines for Your Intentions
   If it’s a bigger project, give yourself a deadline. "I’ll book that course by Friday." This adds urgency and keeps you accountable.

3. Communicate Your Actions, Not Just Your Intentions
   Let people know what you’ve done, not just what you were thinking of doing. This builds trust and shows that you’re a person of your word.

4. Check in with Yourself Regularly
   Ask yourself, "Are my actions reflecting my values and intentions?" This self-awareness helps keep you on track.

So, next time someone says, "I was thinking of calling you," ask yourself: What would have changed if they had actually called? When your boss says they were planning to do something special, think: How would I feel if they followed through? And that IOU? Imagine how much more it would mean if the massage was already booked and waiting for you.

Life is about where we, as humans, put our attention and the meaning we attach and how we experience and act on that. That’s what our actions do—they create our reality. So, make it positive, make it count, and remember: It’s the action that counts. The world doesn’t change because you had a nice idea—it changes when you take that idea and turn it into reality. Don’t just be a thinker; be a doer. Your career, your relationships, and your life will thank you for it.