Negotiate the Work You Want
A mentor of mine once said “you get what you get and you negotiate the rest”. Is your confidence holding you back from getting the work terms you truly deserve? Confidence isn’t just about feeling good about yourself—it’s about trusting your abilities and taking action, even when the outcome is uncertain. But in the business world, confidence can often be the key to unlocking better opportunities, promotions, and working conditions.
It’s no secret that the promotion landscape isn’t always balanced. Studies show that men are promoted 30% more often than women early in their careers, leading to a significant gender gap at senior levels. Even though women ask for promotions just as frequently as men, research from McKinsey & Company reveals that women are 18% less likely to actually receive them. So, what gives?
How Women Approach Promotions—and Why It Matters
One of the reasons for this gap could be how women ask for promotions. Women often use more tentative or indirect language, like,
“I was wondering if there’s a chance I might be considered for a promotion?” or
“I hope I’ve shown that I’m ready for more responsibility.”
This kind of language can come across as uncertain or hesitant, which might make decision-makers question whether you’re truly ready for the next step.
Additionally, women are more likely to downplay their achievements, saying things like,
“I was lucky to be part of this project,” instead of highlighting their individual contributions. Women also tend to emphasize their collaborative nature rather than directly showcasing their leadership skills. And when it comes to negotiation, many women shy away from it altogether, often accepting the first offer without pushing for a higher salary or better terms. It's that 'icky' feeling inside, right?
This isn’t just about communication styles—it’s about societal expectations that women should be more collaborative and less self-promotional. As a result, many women hesitate to assert their worth or negotiate for better terms, whether they’re starting a new job, renewing a contract, or seeking a promotion.
The Psychology Behind Negotiation: What You Can Do
Understanding the psychological barriers that hold women back in negotiations is key to overcoming them. Imposter syndrome, for example, disproportionately affects women, making them doubt their contributions and shy away from asking for what they deserve. There’s also the fear of being perceived as “difficult,” which can prevent women from negotiating assertively.
As Jamie Kern Lima, the Queen of Worthiness, puts it:
“When we have self-confidence without strong underlying self-worth, we’re less likely to take risks. We don’t want the pain associated with losing our self-confidence and feeling like we have nothing left. Strong self-confidence without strong self-worth often keeps us stuck—afraid to take chances, afraid of rejection, and afraid of potential failure.”
But you don’t have to stay stuck. Here are some strategies to help you build confidence, self-worth, and the ability to negotiate effectively:
Reframe Self-Promotion: Your value is part of your corporate currency at work. You bring significant value to your team, company, and customers—so don’t be afraid to share it. Instead of seeing self-promotion as bragging, view it as sharing your value. Highlight your achievements within the context of team success, showing how your contributions have driven results.
Practice Assertive Communication: Use clear, direct language when discussing your expectations and contributions. Phrases like, “I believe I have demonstrated value through X, Y, and Z,” can help you convey confidence without coming across as aggressive.
Leverage Social Proof: This is particularly important! When discussing salary or terms, point to industry standards or comparable roles. This shifts the focus from your personal desires to market norms, making your ask seem more reasonable and grounded in reality.
Prepare and Practice: Anticipate potential objections and practice your responses. Role-playing negotiations can help build confidence and reduce anxiety, making you feel more prepared when it’s time to have the real conversation.
Balancing Ambition and Dedication
For women in corporate environments, the challenge lies in asking for what you want without feeling like you’re compromising your commitment to the company. By understanding the psychological barriers, adopting strategic negotiation techniques, and asking in the right way, you can dramatically improve your work life. After all, what’s the worst that can happen?
You have the power. By building your confidence, recognising your worth, and communicating persuasively, you are increasing your chances of successfully negotiating the work terms that suit you best—while still giving 100% to your company. It’s time to take control of your career and get what you deserve.